Sober Mornings vs. The Morning After: A Creative’s Journey to Clarity
How choosing sobriety transformed my creative process and wellbeing
Pain.
Sore throat.
Head pounding.
I trusted I was strong enough to make it through. “I made it through one night, I can make it through again.”
I think back of how many hours I spent sleeping, recovering from the night before. Only to wake up, drink some water, wait a few hours and do it all over again.
A repeated pattern.
An unknowing awareness.
Constantly fleeting.
ADDICTION.
There are many different types of addiction. The levels of how intense these relationships are complex.
Mine was alcohol. “Are you sure you want one more?” Says a family member or friend. Completely unaware of my behavior and telling myself there is nothing wrong.
What if it’s okay? If I’m still a WHOLE, beautiful person even with an addiction?
It was hard identifying with the label of addiction because of the shame attached to it. A passive unseen weight I carried around.
Our minds are drawn to desire. To feel good. To escape what doesn’t feel good.
The split second an uncomfortable thought arose sent neurons firing in my body to retreat, telling me to turn away.
I turned away by taking another sip.
I allowed the chemicals to flow through my blood stream and create a new version of myself.
A version of myself I always want to be. The true version of myself. This is what I believed.
I was fooled.
Escaping what I don’t want to feel is easy.
The bottle knows this.
It wants to hold on.
It wants to convince me what’s inside is needed. To become a part of my identity. What seems to be the normal thing to do. The pressure when someone says just have one. Because it’s never just one. It’s a unified comradery. A shared celebration. A shared grief.
Nearly four and half years ago, there was a whisper I couldn’t hear, but I could feel.
Why did it click when my fitness coach said “You’re not going to progress if you keep at it the way you’re doing.” Why did I start wanting to track my alcohol intake? Why did I research how to let go of alcohol?
The calling was for myself. To be better in the gym. Better in my relationships. Better in my work.
I not only see this in myself, I see this in everyone else.
When I’m around others, I see their true beauty without a substance. Millions. Each one is unique. A smile. A laugh. The shape of their face. The way their body moves. How they communicate. Every single person is truly unique.
Our evolution is emotional intelligence. Our willingness to face discomfort. We don’t need to escape individually because we are already together through mutual experiences of ups and downs life throws our way.
My mornings now?
Intentional.
Slow.
Beautiful.
I wake up with gratitude knowing I’ve been through this experience. It’s shaped who I am now.
My life is enhanced. I embrace what’s challenging. I desire to learn more. To open my heart fully.
And it’s through my journey I get the opportunity to share this with other creatives who desire a different path.
“Is this even possible for me?” It is.
Your greatest work is inside. And when you’re ready. It’s waiting to be unleashed.
My intentions and practice with this publication is to come from a place of non-judgment and speak from experience. All are welcome here, and all that you are is welcome here. With The Sober Creative, I want to cultivate a space that leads with openess, curiosity, kindness and respect for all.
Thank you for being here.
Love,
Josh